The fear now is not that I might loose something, the fear is what I might not gain. The hold is so tight that to let go and to grab on to something new is too difficult.
`Old` is what was `New`. Hope is still live and the search is still on.The destiny is governing the path, the path which is and was always illuminated & defined,doesn't seem to be walkable but a leap of faith is required. Looking for a much needed change with an eye for a better future.
Stressed...Angry...Stressed...Angry...Disturbed...Disturbed. A bit confused on the state of my mind, but if the need be to define it in a word. I would say "Disturbed". Sooner or Later the work seems to start taking its toll and in a "constant" state of "instability", the mind seems to toss around. The competition seems to be with oneself, for the individual task of everyone seems to be piled up on one and one only. Still seem to be stuck bothering, preparing or rather working. The understanding seems to be scarce. An introspection reflect(s) lot many actions not to relieve but to freak out. Patience & Control seems to be the relieving but they aggravate the state further. They are not the cure either for they makes you stay in the same place. Days just comes as break to the further sufferings the mind has to go through.
But, hey this didn't mean I am down, the fight is still on, what if I'm out of breath and out of beats and definitely sooner or later out of my mind.
Digging into the archives of my memory I found a box. A box filled with all sorts of interesting memories, some made me happy and some sad. Right there in the corner of the box I found a puzzle. Yes, the puzzle everyone calls "Life". I felt a strong urge to pick it up and solve it. However, as on numerous earlier occasions I wasn't able to give it a right start. An urge to untangle my life, so strong that it hurts. A strange feeling that encompasses me, pulls me down and crushes me. An anxiety to free myself from the shackles. I know life is beautiful but those moments always seem to run ahead in time.
There are many things going around you, some disturbing and the others just happening. However, we fail to realize that each one of these event(s) is some how defining the course of our lives. Today, with some of these thoughts encircling my mind I am a little confused on what to do and what not. Just like today, I have spent many more days thinking the same over & over again.
With this realization that if we wish something truly from our heart not even the strongest of negative forces can stop it from coming true. I have started to yet again wish that I can some how go back in time and, change all that has gone wrong. But, then I fear that would doing this also re-define things that I never wish to change.So, in simple words and as on earlier occasion(s) leaving the thoughts of my past, I focus to concentrate on my future and ensure that I don't allow any thing under my control to go wrong.
As the idiom goes, it been really long since I learnt about the concept of blogging. And, as a newbie to web world also made an effort to register myself for a blog account. However, my efforts were lost behind the sands of time. Finally, today I make a begining to make my meagre presence felt in webspace and who knows I may end up gaining loads of things from here.
Today, after two months of my wrist operation the irritation and itchy feeling has started to creap in me and I just feel to cut apart the plaster and let my hand breathe the fresh air. Well, I should say my operation was not at all a bad experience for me instead it left with such experiences which would at some point of life help me in making an effort towards my dreams(ofcourse, the undreamed ones).
One of the things that I learnt was to motivate someone even when I was in pain. The incident goes this way, it was 21st May, 2008 and I had just come out the operation theater with my left hand hanging in the sling, and my neck taking all the pain. My doctor lead me to the nearest bed in the emergency ward. There sat a small sardar boy terrified and watching people in pain & crying. He happened to be there for his hand operated which he broke while playing in school. After, seeing me he was all set to run away from there bearing all the pain in his hand. But, then out of no where an idea came flashing to my mind and I started telling him how things went about when I was inside the operation theatre and on the operation table. And, how I had a sound sleep when my hand was been operated. The effect of anaesthesia made the task of lying even easier for me with me not feeling the guilt of lying to someone. And, finally my efforts paid off, when he got ready to go in get his hand operated.
